[sorry, I don't know who to give the credits to for the artwork here... it is not my own, but the front cover of an old letter-writing block my sister obtained some time ago that does not contain any signature....]
Yes, it’s so true.
“Many things about tomorrow, I don’t seem to understand… but I know Who holds tomorrow, and I know Who holds my hand!”
I’ve been learning lately in a very personal, vivid way what it means to not understand tomorrow. But thanks be to God Who always causes us to triumph in Christ Jesus, for I am learning how wonderful it can truly be to both not understand, and not care to understand. For in truth, the reality is that I will never understand tomorrow. All I need to understand and know is the One Who holds my hand, and all the details of all the tomorrows from hereafter to eternity.
Many years ago while I was quite young, the Lord impressed a strong desire upon my heart that one day I should live out my life as a missionary in China. To this day, I cannot explain exactly how or why this came about, except that I believe it was (and is) the movement of God’s Spirit upon my heart and life. Certainly, there have been times when I’ve doubted and questioned, but they have always been instigated by carnal or selfish ambitions, desires and wishes. And the Lord has in time, always shown me His abundant faithfulness, and pointed my heart back down this track.
I am sure that I have never been more shaken and had my eyes open more to the reality of sacrifice and the pursuit of righteousness and the calling of God than I have lately. And not only so, but the immense and complete compassion and lovingkindness of Jesus. You know, until you are staring sacrifice in the face, you can never truly and fully comprehend it’s value and significance. I’m not talking about sacrifice just for sacrifice sake. That’s pure foolishness. I’m talking about the startling (though very simplistic) fact that a sacrifice is not a sacrifice unless it is a sacrifice. Wait a minute and think over that. It is not quite as “duh!” a statement as it may seem. We here as Christians in America, the home of the “blessed” just love to speak of sacrifices for Christ. But unfortunately, I think that in many cases (at least in my own life) the sacrifice tends to be either for sacrifice’s sake only — because we think we are doing ourselves or God some great good— or else the supposed “sacrifice” is no sacrifice at all, but merely a normal part of the normal, godly Christian life. And sadly enough, the latter tends to drag souls down and cause them to walk around all depressed and begrudging because of this “hard thing” done for Christ. Let me say to you that neither of those are true sacrifices in God’s eyes. Although they may be performed from a right heart, they are the product of mistaken values and Biblical concepts.
God does not ask us to sacrifice for sacrifice’s sake only, or because we are trying to forcefully starve the flesh out of sheer obligation and will power. We must be constrained to do good and walk holy solely out of a deep love and adoration for the One Who willingly, and certainly not begrudgingly or grumpily, gave up His life and His perfect relationship with His Father for the Salvation of our souls— and not ours only, but for the souls of all mankind.
And it is this LOVE that constrains me for this sacrifice. Namely, the pursuit of the fulfillment of the Great Commission.
We are all called upon by God at some point or another in our lives to lovingly and devotedly serve Him in a capacity designed by Himself for us. It will undoubtedly be some kind of a God-ordained form of sacrifice. After all, it is but our reasonable service to present our very bodies as a living sacrifice.
I don’t want anyone to get the picture here that I feel like I’ve arrived to some kind of sacrificial-platform here. Oh, definitely not. As I look ahead to the things that may or may not lie before me, these are just some thoughts I feel have been impressed upon my heart by the Lord, through His Word and prayer. I can’t imagine how far I have to go, and how many more things I have yet to learn… they are so many! I’m just grateful that we serve and love an all-knowing, all-powerful, all-merciful God who cares about each of us individually.
I’ve been really hesitant to really speak out loud about China, and the details of my much anticipated trip and stay there. Partly because there are always all those “what if…? ’s” and all the uncertainty that pervades most decisions in life.
At more than one point it seemed doors in one direction or another were practically flung open right before my eyes… only to find a few prayers later that they had been solidly shut right before my very eyes as well. 
So goes life. And you know, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I can’t praise God enough for direction and closed doors. Who knows where or who I’d be without it all…!!! Whatever the case, I know I wouldn’t like to see it lived out.
I’m happy (and scared 
) to announce that God seems to be leading and directing very definitely down a particular path. I will not even try to read God’s mind. Instead, I will continue to look to Him, and pray for continued guidance.
But a feel a great burden to particularly ask for prayer concerning all of this. There is power in prayer, and I believe in the fellowship of like minded saints, and the ability of God to move mountains- great or small.
I’ve never expected to study in a University, nor to become a Teacher myself. Much less have I ever entertained the thought of doing both simultaneously… that is, until now.
I’m almost finished with earning my Teaching certificate, for which I am glad. My Dad also brought home the other night my application for the department of language for foreign students in Guilin, China. We’ve been praying, and my parents and I agree that it would be best for me to “live and learn” the language of Mandarin Chinese. The plan is to apply for 1 year’s study of the Chinese language. The tuition is quite reasonable, and the University is located very near where I will be staying with dear, native friends. It would be a 15 minute bike ride each way, every day. I would be studying approx. 20 hours a week. Hopefully a year’s study of the language will give me a decent handle on it. Right now it seems such a gigantic task. But God will help me.
For those of you interested in more information, you can view the University’s information on the study programs and stuff here.
The Guilin Elementary School has also offered to have me teach English there from 4-6 pm week days, daily. The pay is about $60 per month US dollars. But I don’t care. Like I told my Dad, I’m not going there for the money. And like my Dad said to me, I’m sure you’re thinking, “Well, I know you’re not going there for the money, because if you were I’d think you were insane!” 
Too true!
A very tribal people group known as the “Yao” people who live in the terraced hills just outside Guilin also would have me come to teach them English on weekends, though since they are very poor and rugged, they cannot pay anything at all. And in truth, that is the part of my ministry that I am looking forward to the most. Like I told my parents, I really want nothing more than to get lost in the boonies serving precious souls who are hungry for the Gospel. That is all I really want to do. And I honestly believe I will live to that end.
People keep asking me if I’m “getting excited,” and rightly so. 
So, am I excited? Yes. There is nothing more amazingly fulfilling than the realization of a long-time burden and vision. While the proverb is true that where there is no vision, the people perish, it can also be said that where there IS vision, the people flourish. I’ve never felt more rejuvenated. However, as excited as I am, I’m also scared to death. I have to confess, my flesh just cringes at the thought of the suffering and trials that I will undoubtedly come face to face with. It’s really scary. Think about it; I’m a young lady of not even nineteen going off into a very strange and different country and culture, where the worst of perils await even the experienced, native believer. I’m going all by myself… it’ll just be my Lord and me together for quite some time. Who knows what I’ll have to face and the things I’ll need to stand up to. Only God knows. Can you see the reality and gravity of the situation sinking in? The lump in my throat can sure feel it. 
But really, while I’m scared at the thought of what I might go through for Christ’s sake, I’m comforted and rested by the fact that I know Who holds my hand. And it was for this cause, the cause of the Gospel, that I came into this world. I will never retreat or recoil from the charge I have of presenting the Gospel to this dying world.
The goal is to leave here in May. Probably the middle of May. There are allot of details to be worked out, and allot of prayers to be answered. I’m not worried. God knows what He’s doing, and I trust Him. I’ve just kind of given you the rough sketching of the whole deal here… thanks so much for bearing with me, all who took the time to read my heart’s thoughts. I appreciate your kind concern.
If you feel led to pray for me, for guidance and direction, and even for the closing of doors if need be, please do! I ask for prayer humbly, knowing that everything and anything lies ahead of me- a most unworthy servant to handle the Words of Life! I want only my Jesus, and to know Him more fully.
I am firmly committed to the cause of Christ, determined to serve Him for the rest of my life. Resolved to give all, no matter the cost… I am firmly committed to the Cross of Christ.
